seeing what doesn’t serve you.

Two years ago this week, I had my last alcoholic drink. I’d been drinking less for a while and realised how little it served me. So, I had my last drink and didn't pick another one up. That decision has led to further changes which together have transformed my life. 

My choice not to drink isn’t really the point here, but what led me to that decision is relevant to everyone.  

The power of seeing what to let go of, and then actually doing it. 

Drinking alcohol was once something I did without thinking. Most people drank so I did too and I pushed through the side effects of that choice for years. It took me a while to see the negative impact it had on me, and that I’d be better without it. It took me even longer to separate the habit from my identity. Once I could see it clearly, letting go was difficult, but possible.  

These are the muscles that we all need to flex - seeing, then deciding and letting go. 

Seeing what doesn’t serve us helps us make mindful decisions about the direction of our lives. In our careers it helps us find people and cultures that support us and then create them for others. In our personal lives it helps us maintain positive relationships that lift us up.  

But seeing what doesn't serve us is a skill that takes time to build. It’s not necessarily intuitive. 

I think of the business leaders I've worked with who kept someone on well past the point they knew things weren’t right, because that person had "always been there" and letting them go felt like a failure.  

I think of the people running their businesses on outdated assumptions about what guests want, about what teams tolerate, and what "good service" means, because those things used to be true and nobody's tested them since.  

I think of the candidates I speak to who have endured lack of progression, or poor leadership, because they felt somehow responsible and kept trying to make things change. 

I think of the draining relationships, professional and personal, that we can maintain out of loyalty to who we used to be rather than who we are now. 

For most of us, bad habits can be hard to let go of.  

What I have found is that you need to actively look for the things that don’t serve you anymore. You need to make yourself aware of them. Because letting go is not the most challenging part. It’s recognising and accepting that a habit you’ve had, sometimes for years, isn't good for you. Once you can reach that point, the decision to let go usually becomes obvious, and easy. 

The cost of holding on to something that is depleting you is always higher than the cost of letting go. Whether it’s a habit, a hire, a friendship, or a job, the question is the same: is this still serving me, or am I just used to it? 

Look closely. Be honest about what you see.

And when you identify something that isn't serving you anymore, however long you've carried it, give yourself permission to put it down and move on.